The Secret to Self-Development

Self-development is a multi-billion industry. The reason why is because all of us have an in-built mechanism to be more than who we currently are. You may shake your head and point to someone that you know is not at all doing anything to improve themselves. I don’t believe that.

I believe, very strongly, that everyone, everywhere, is doing the best they can to become the best that they can be. The only difference is in what resources they can draw on to accomplish that. Even if people remain stuck in their old ways of being, it is because at some level, they have given up on ever being able to make changes to who they are. Their maxims (usually unspoken) are: “It didn’t work, it won’t work on me. I tried but it is just too hard.”

I believe that this happens because of a flawed paradigm in current self-development. Many people believe that if they only use their will and work hard enough, things will change for them. In this article, I will propose a 3-stage model for true “self-development.”

Before we start, I want to say that strictly speaking, self-development is a myth, because there is really nothing to develop. You are perfect as you are, the only thing that has blocked you from knowing it are the blocks that you have created in your own mind. What do I mean?

Let me propose the 3-stage model first:

STAGE 1
EMPOWRMENT

STAGE 2
CLEARING

STAGE 3
SKILLS ACQUISITION

Stage 1: Empowerment
Before this stage, the person has not started on his path of self-development. This is the crucial first step because before that, a person does not identify that the problem starts from her. One still identifies oneself as the victim and not the creator of his world. All problems come from outside this person and therefore she is subject to the whims of the world. It may be the economy, the government, his family, her boyfriend, but never oneself who is the problem. Without responsibility, nothing can change. Only when one realizes that one has created his life through the choices that he makes that he starts to shoulder the responsibility of his life.

Stage 2: Clearing
This, to me, is the crucial missing link in self-development. Many people skip this stage and move straight to stage 3: Skills acquisition. Skills include, amongst others, leadership and management skills, communication skills, sales, marketing, sports, musical, etc. If there is no subconscious block in the person, he/she can readily pick up the new skills with practice and excel in the field with enough practice. However, there will be people who will be unable to do well no matter how hard they try. If we extrapolate that to all of life, we can well ask why people can have such dramatically different results in the different aspects of life: success, relationships, career, money, hobbies, etc?

Some of you may have heard of the law of attraction, about how you create your reality through your thoughts. In actuality, your beliefs create your reality. How are these beliefs formed? It happen when an event deemed significant to you occur. At that point in time, a decision (or generalization) about oneself, others and the world is formed. Together with strong emotions evoked, a belief is formed.

Beliefs = Thoughts + Emotions

Most of these beliefs are not in your conscious mind. It has been estimated that up to 98% of the mind is subconscious or unconscious at any one time. These beliefs are the ones that are currently dictating your life. If these unconscious beliefs are positive (e.g the world is a beautiful place to be in), you will experience the positive benefits in your life. Conversely, if there are negative (e.g. I am unwanted by my mum), you will also experience the effects in your life.

Unless these limiting beliefs are changed and replaced with positive ones, one will continue to experience the results. Things become even more complicated because some of these beliefs are not even from you. It originates from the ancestral heritage encoded in the DNA that was passed on to you.

How do you resolve these limiting beliefs? A variety of emotional healing modalities are available. I will highly recommend a few because I have found them very effective. These include theta healing (www.thetahealing.com) and power therapies like emotional freedom therapy (EFT) (www.emofree.com). I am currently exploring another modality known as Whole-Hearted Healing under the Peak States of Consciousness (www.peakstates.com)

Stage 3: Skills Acquisition
Once you are clear, the world is literally your oyster. To excel in something, there is still a need to master a skill. Here, passion and discipline is the key (which can be programmed in stage 2). With passion and discipline, one slowly but surely masters the craft that one has chosen to express in the world. It has been estimated that to be proficient in something, you need at least 3 years while to really become a master in something, it may require 10 years or more.

Summary
To excel in life, one needs to first take responsibility for life (stage 1), clear the limits that one has set in the mind (stage 2), and decide on an individual expression and take the time and discipline to master the skills needed to express it fully (stage 3).